Salena Godden: A strong and stiffly worded letter should do the trick…

Dear war makers and war takers

Twitchy button pushers and mushroom cloud worshippers

Bomb botherers and gun polishers

Chemical weapon wielders and coup-cooers

Battle cry criers and army gatherers

Bullet loaders and knife sharpeners

Death collators, chief whips and spins and

Dear Kings and dear Lords and dear Right Honourables

To the Dear Mr Presidents and Dear Mr Prime ministers -

Thank you for taking some time to read this letter

I am writing to make a small request -

Please could you all just take a fucking day off

Go to the park, feed the ducks, read a book

Take a break and put down your war stirring spoons

Shush with your fighting talk

Stop with your itchy button pushy fingers

Quit being so trigger happy

Give your eye-for-an-eye campaign a rest

Just take some time out -

Do your laundry, water your plants, visit your mother

Pull a sickie, have a duvet day, watch a whole season of Breaking Bad

But just stop.

I suggest you all turn off your phones

Unplug your internet and take a breather

Stop winding each other up

I don’t care who started this trouble

You’re all as bad as each other

I want to send you to your rooms

To do your homework

You all need to read the history books

And refresh your geography

So here’s the thing:

If you could just stop making bombs. And you, if you could stop pretending you haven’t sold any bombs. And then if you could stop pretending you haven’t bought any bombs. And then you, if you could stop threatening to bomb us, that would be brilliant. Yeah. If you could all stop threatening us with all your bombs that you haven’t built or sold or bought that would be terrific. Hang on . Let me put it another way, simplify things, if you could stop making bombs and you stop selling bombs and if you could stop bombing people and if you could all stop threatening us all with bombs all the fucking time that would be brilliant. One more time, let me put it another way, if you could stop making bombs and if you could stop selling bombs to the other side when you are meant to be on the other side. And if you could stop accusing the other one of having the bombs, whilst procuring the production of more bombs, which you know the latter has because you have the receipts because it was you who fucking ordered them in to be manufactured and sold in the first fucking place…that would be great.

Now go and have a fucking cup of tea and do a crossword

Do something lovely and ordinary with your time

Bake a fucking cake or something

Since you have all this surplus energy and money for bombs and war planes

Go and build a school or a hospital or save the rain forests or something useful

Put all that war chest money into grants towards that cure for cancer or world poverty

Save a soldier, save some money, send him home.

There is not one person I know wants to see another human being killed, not ever

I certainly don’t want anyone shot or blown up, how ludicrous

And you always end up bombing schools and hospitals and

Killing children and women, because your aim is crap

At least we are all to believe that its because your aim is crap

Now climb off your war horses and stop yelling charge

Its repetitive and its pissing us all off

Seriously, I think I can safely say

You are pissing everyone off

With the constant fighty-talk

I just had to switch Radio 4 off, yet again

It was vibrating with all the chest beating

My radio was filled with a bunch of silver back gorillas

Stop with the King Kong method

What is it with all the killy-killy-bomb talk?

Are you all drunk or something?

Has your summer of “Get Lucky” gone a bit sour

Stay up all night to get killy…

Stay up all night to get bomby…

Obama, Cameron, Putin, Bashar, Letta

Whips and spins and government war stirrers

Every one of you in every war bunker

Yes, you and you, all of you

All of you, go to your rooms

I think you need to go take a nap

Start a war? Seriously?

You are going to start a war?

Start a war? START A WAR?

Chemical weapons, bullets, mine fields, bombs, all that good stuff?

Yep. That’s your solution is it?

You bag of hopeless dicks.

With Kindest Regards,

Pretty much everyone.

(c) Salena Godden / September 2013